The Hole Trilogy - Very English Humour for the Inner Child in All Adults...
If you Love Golf, Rabbits and Absurd situations:
As a passionate fan of classic television, I find joy in beloved shows like The Detectorists, Only Fools and Horses, To the Manor Born, Dad's Army, One Foot in the Grave and many, many more very credible comedy shows. I also admire the brilliant works of writers such as Tom Sharpe, P.G. Wodehouse, Spike Milligan, and Noël Coward. These creators exemplify British farce, wit, and humour, often with a delightful touch of the absurd. Inspired by their legacy, I proudly contribute to this tradition with my award-winning titles, including The Hole Opportunity, A Tunnel is Only a Hole on its Side, and Marmite Makes a Sandwich, Dynamite Makes a Hole.
The Hole Opportunity
A Tunnel is Only a Hole on Its Side
Marmite Makes a Sandwich, Dynamite Makes a Hole
Welcome to Henslow, where common sense goes to die, and comedy thrives.
Colin Griggs is a farmer. A well-meaning, thoroughly hapless one. When Whitehall threatens his way of life, most men would protest, petition, or panic. Colin does something altogether more extraordinary: he takes inspiration from a doughnut and launches a Hole Farming Business.
What follows is a gloriously English farce, a whirlwind of misunderstandings, double entendres, and disasters so perfectly timed they could only happen to one man.
A retiring bank manager hands Colin his first loan and his first lead. A botched grand opening turns the local golf club's Captain — the imperious Major Woods — into a sworn enemy.
Colin's hospitalisation triggers a police investigation into a revenge attack that never happened. And when the formidable Lady Wills arrives at the Manor House with a need for ornamental pond holes, Colin resorts to blackmail just to get a reference.
Through every catastrophe, every misunderstanding, every magnificently ill-judged decision, Colin Griggs presses on, utterly convinced that holes are his destiny.
Some men are born great. Some achieve greatness. Colin digs it.
The hole business is booming. Which means, of course, that disaster is just around the corner.
After the explosive finale of The Hole Opportunity, Colin Griggs and Major Woods find themselves in adjacent hospital beds. Neither man enjoys the arrangement. But Colin, fresh from his triumph in supplying holes to her Ladyship, is already plotting his next move.
Then Harpsden’s bypass arrives. Not literally, but the plans are drawn, the routes are proposed, and suddenly the cherished local golf course is directly in the path of progress.
Major Woods is incandescent. His members are outraged. And, in the time-honoured tradition of men with influence and a grudge, they pull strings, rerouting the bypass directly through Lady Wills' estate and across Colin's precious farmland.
Colin, naturally, has a plan. A magnificent, audacious, almost certainly doomed plan - A tunnel.
Bored beneath the golf course itself, it would save the fairways, satisfy the council, and give Colin the chance to sell an enormous number of holes to an enemy who still very much wants him ruined. What could go wrong?
Everything, as it turns out. Everything could go wrong.
A Tunnel Is Only a Hole on Its Side is a glorious return to Henslow, where ambition outstrips ability, alliances are forged in the most unlikely circumstances, and Colin Griggs once again proves that the most dangerous man in any room is the one with a good idea and absolutely no idea how to execute it.
The trilogy continues. The holes get deeper...
Every hole has a bottom. Colin is about to find his.
The tunnel is nearly complete. For once in his life, Colin Griggs is ahead of schedule, ahead of the game, and almost ahead of disaster.
Then Colin discovers fifteen original drawings by one of England's most celebrated artists on his farm. He makes the fatal mistake of telling a newspaper. Art enthusiasts are delighted and a notorious South London gang has quietly decided that rural Henslow is an unmissable business opportunity. They are, as it turns out, catastrophically wrong about that.
What follows as the gang descends on Colin's farm, expecting an easy score from a simple country farmer, is a collision of city cunning and rural chaos so spectacular that the tunnel incident seems a minor inconvenience. Armed police converge on Henslow. Bungling burglars discover that Colin Griggs is no one's easy mark. And the village, somehow, finds itself at the centre of a national news story.
Meanwhile, the rest of Henslow is facing its own difficulties. Belinda has fallen head over heels for Jimmy, and Colin finally loses patience with Sky reporter David Ross in a confrontation the whole county has been expecting. And just when it seems the worst might be over, fate delivers a final, spectacular blow to Colin.
But the greatest challenge of all isn't the gangsters, the police, or the press. It's Major Woods.
With Lady Wills determined to broker peace, Izzy quietly dreaming of a life with rather less mud, and the whole of Henslow watching, Colin must decide what he's truly fighting for, and whether a man who built a business from nothing but holes and sheer stubbornness has one last dig left in him.
The Hole Trilogy comes to a riotous, triumphant, thoroughly English conclusion. Put the kettle on. You'll need it.