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I'm a lover of the TV classics like Only Fools and Horses, To the Manor Born, Dad's Army, and One Foot in the Grave to name but a few, and writers like Tom Sharpe, P.G Wodehouse, Spike Milligan and Noël Coward. These are all great examples of British farce, wit and humour with a sense of the absurd. These and others are my inspiration. The award-winning Hole Opportunity, A Tunnel is Only a Hole on its Side, and Marmite Makes a Sandwich, Dynamite Makes a Hole are my contributions to this fine English tradition.
Colin and Izzy Griggs’ traditional farming way of life is under threat from red tape from Brussels and Whitehall. Taking inspiration from a doughnut, Colin sets up a “Hole Farming Business”. His first job is to supply 18 holes for the newly refurbished golf course. Colin’s ineptness leads to many incidents surrounding the grand opening, creating an arch-enemy of the Club’s Captain: Major Woods.
His business is given a much-needed boost by the arrival of Lady Wills into the Manor House. She requires holes for her ornate ponds but before awarding the contract needs a reference from Colin’s previous employer: Major Woods.
How will Colin manage to get the reference he needs to save his business? How exactly do you manage to farm holes? And who really wears the stockings in the Griggs household?
Set in the rural village of Henslow, The Hole Opportunity is a pure English farce with miscommunication, double entendre, humorous plot lines and a host of memorable characters.
As the sequel to the well-received “The Hole Opportunity,” this book sees Colin striving to build on his business success by turning his attention to supplying even larger holes!
The town of Harpsden is to get a bypass; the proposed route cuts directly across the golf course. After much local objection lead by the Golf Club Captain, Major Woods, a compromise route is drawn up involving a half-mile tunnel section under the fairways. The contract for the tunnel is, in Colin’s eyes, a perfect way to grow his hole business since a tunnel is only a hole on its side ...
With no love lost between the Major and Colin the ensuing debacle spawns a host of hilarious situations, scrapes and misunderstandings including the resurgence of stocking wearing but this time not by Colin.
Book III picks up Colin and Izzy’s story a while after the award of the Tunnel Project contract and takes place over one week.
Colin and Izzy’s good fortune following the discovery of the 15 Constable drawings (Book II) has been kept quiet until now. Focused on the Tunnel project, their find has slipped their minds until Jimmy Flanagan reporter, announces it in the local press. Picked up by the BBC and then the media circus, the news goes national and international.
The Constable find comes to the attention of a south London gang, who, short of funds, need an easy job. The gang leader George, approaching retirement and unfit, decides the mob should drive down the M4 into the country for a quick ‘job’. Arriving at the Lamb Inn, Henslow village, they meet Lucy, daughter of the Landlord, who knows everyone around, including Colin. The gang tell her they are looking to higher Colin for a ‘hole’ job, so she tells them how to find him. Arriving late a Griggs Farm, the gang overpower Colin & Izzy and take them hostage.
Because of Colin’s ‘hole’ making experience, he is to help the gang break into the local Lloyds bank safe-deposit boxes where the drawings are stored. The gang not only want the pictures but the contents of the rest of the safe-deposit boxes. Unbeknownst to Colin both Lady Wills and Major Woods store valuables there, Jewellery and a war medal collection respectively.
The gang construct an elaborate plan to break into the bank but need to purchase many items – pickaxe handles, rope, bags to carry off the loot, etc., and stocking masks for disguises. Because Izzy is being held hostage, Colin has no choice but to work with the gang's leader, George. They do a recce of the bank vaults and shop for the equipment needed. This includes a visit to Bates the Chemist where Lucy works during the day. She’d sold stockings to Colin before (Book I) and knew all the problems he faced with the media and ribbing by villagers and is suspicious when he comes back to buy more. Her suspicion is especially aroused when he comes with George, whom she recognises from the pub a few days earlier. Guessing all is not well, Lucy turns to Jimmy Flanagan, reporter, for help as he knows everyone and all the local gossip.
Do the gang get away with the fifteen constable drawings? Will Colin ever get over his reputation of wearing stockings? Does the Major regain his sanity, and more, form a friendship with Colin?